What IS it about some women in the needlework world that they seem to be constantly gossiping and badmouthing someone else -- in secret, no less?
Not quite secret enough that the person they are talking about won't hear about it, of course -- oh, no, feelings must be hurt; skin must be thickened. Don't they have anything better to do? Not even stitching or stash enhancement?
The fact is, behaving this way is what these women live for and thrive on. It makes them feel better than stitching, S.E.X., sex, chocolate, grandchildren, or anything else most of us consider among the joys of life. Or, at least, that's certainly the impression they give to the rest of us -- the ones who console each other when one or another of us falls victim to one of THEM.
We remind each other, through tears, hugs, and eventually a bit of laughter, that so-and-so is probably lashing out because of the problem(s) she has with her husband/her boyfriend/her boss/her kids/her job, and/or she's never gotten over her best friend/husband/sister/child who died/drank too much/cheated/lied, and/or she's dealing with some type of addiction of her own, etc., and therefore, the point becomes that we shouldn't be too hard on her. For whatever reason, these seem to be the "rules": Be even nicer to the meanies because of whatever made them mean.
Well, I'm tired of those rules. I don't know anyone whose life doesn't include a list of problems of varying degrees, and most of them aren't mean like rabid animals because of it. Sure, they lash out sometimes, but they lash out at the people closest to them, not at people they hardly know -- much less at virtual strangers!
Taking such joy in hurting other stitchers whom you hardly know, or whom you don't know at all, is the very definition of what it is to be a psychopath -- and if those of you who do this kind of thing can do it without feeling any guilt over it, then who the heck are you to say that **I** need psychological help? Who are you to make such a statement based on the fact that I have the nerve to be angry about something, or to speak up about what I believe in, or to defend my rights or those of my friends and family, or to expect to be treated with humanity and dignity by the medical community -- or to expect to be treated with at least a little bit of humanity by, yes, even YOU?
Who among you knows how many therapists and/or psychiatrists I've seen, why, when, and where? Who among you knows what psychotherapeutic chemicals I've taken, why, when, and where? More specifically, what are your qualifications to know? Who is a Master of Social Work? A PhD in Psychology? An MD in Psychiatry? I didn't think so ... which makes the comments you made completely inappropriate and none of your damned business. Of course, under HIPAA, if you actually had any qualifications, you'd lose them for having made such statements.
We're way past the advice of Thumper's mother ("If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all"), so I say at least have the cojones to act like old biddies publicly. That way, your victims can speak directly to you to defend themselves. Come out of the shadows, take off your masks, turn on the lights, and sign your own names. You say you aren't using those measures you've been hiding behind because you're cowards? Prove it. I think you'll find it much more difficult to say the kinds of things you've been saying when you're standing in your own shoes instead of in a pair you think are anonymous. Better yet, act like adults (which means, at a minimum, following Thumper's mother's advice).
So Adana, Michelle, and others think I make a good target. Maybe I do. I'd rather you take aim at me than at any of my friends, that's for sure.
When you're a kid, you might join together with other children (usually led by a child you look back on today as a bully whom you never really liked, but you pretended to because at the time, you were scared not to like him/her) to pick on someone else ... but sane adults don't behave that way. Sane adults feel bad about the people we picked on when we were kids and sometimes even seek them out to apologize for the way we treated them. As above, an adult who can willingly hurt someone else just for kicks is a psychopath, and it's nothing of which to be proud.
Not quite secret enough that the person they are talking about won't hear about it, of course -- oh, no, feelings must be hurt; skin must be thickened. Don't they have anything better to do? Not even stitching or stash enhancement?
The fact is, behaving this way is what these women live for and thrive on. It makes them feel better than stitching, S.E.X., sex, chocolate, grandchildren, or anything else most of us consider among the joys of life. Or, at least, that's certainly the impression they give to the rest of us -- the ones who console each other when one or another of us falls victim to one of THEM.
We remind each other, through tears, hugs, and eventually a bit of laughter, that so-and-so is probably lashing out because of the problem(s) she has with her husband/her boyfriend/her boss/her kids/her job, and/or she's never gotten over her best friend/husband/sister/child who died/drank too much/cheated/lied, and/or she's dealing with some type of addiction of her own, etc., and therefore, the point becomes that we shouldn't be too hard on her. For whatever reason, these seem to be the "rules": Be even nicer to the meanies because of whatever made them mean.
Well, I'm tired of those rules. I don't know anyone whose life doesn't include a list of problems of varying degrees, and most of them aren't mean like rabid animals because of it. Sure, they lash out sometimes, but they lash out at the people closest to them, not at people they hardly know -- much less at virtual strangers!
Taking such joy in hurting other stitchers whom you hardly know, or whom you don't know at all, is the very definition of what it is to be a psychopath -- and if those of you who do this kind of thing can do it without feeling any guilt over it, then who the heck are you to say that **I** need psychological help? Who are you to make such a statement based on the fact that I have the nerve to be angry about something, or to speak up about what I believe in, or to defend my rights or those of my friends and family, or to expect to be treated with humanity and dignity by the medical community -- or to expect to be treated with at least a little bit of humanity by, yes, even YOU?
Who among you knows how many therapists and/or psychiatrists I've seen, why, when, and where? Who among you knows what psychotherapeutic chemicals I've taken, why, when, and where? More specifically, what are your qualifications to know? Who is a Master of Social Work? A PhD in Psychology? An MD in Psychiatry? I didn't think so ... which makes the comments you made completely inappropriate and none of your damned business. Of course, under HIPAA, if you actually had any qualifications, you'd lose them for having made such statements.
We're way past the advice of Thumper's mother ("If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all"), so I say at least have the cojones to act like old biddies publicly. That way, your victims can speak directly to you to defend themselves. Come out of the shadows, take off your masks, turn on the lights, and sign your own names. You say you aren't using those measures you've been hiding behind because you're cowards? Prove it. I think you'll find it much more difficult to say the kinds of things you've been saying when you're standing in your own shoes instead of in a pair you think are anonymous. Better yet, act like adults (which means, at a minimum, following Thumper's mother's advice).
So Adana, Michelle, and others think I make a good target. Maybe I do. I'd rather you take aim at me than at any of my friends, that's for sure.
When you're a kid, you might join together with other children (usually led by a child you look back on today as a bully whom you never really liked, but you pretended to because at the time, you were scared not to like him/her) to pick on someone else ... but sane adults don't behave that way. Sane adults feel bad about the people we picked on when we were kids and sometimes even seek them out to apologize for the way we treated them. As above, an adult who can willingly hurt someone else just for kicks is a psychopath, and it's nothing of which to be proud.
Answering Some Questions
For the record, I was not fired by CraftGossip.com. I quit for a number of reasons, among which was the fact they did not understand copyright or feel it was important to adhere to or understand.
Secondly, CraftGossip.com did not remove all my old posts. I did that before I quit (while I still had access, obviously) because they were copyrighted to and belonged to me, not to CraftGossip.com, and they did not understand or agree on that point. Had I not removed my posts myself, CraftGossip.com would have tried to keep them, and it would have become a legal and logistical nightmare (especially with me being in the US and CraftGossip.com headquartered in Australia), and a very expensive one as well, to convince CraftGossip.com to remove them.
Either Shellie (CraftGossip.com's Head Editor) or Vikram (CraftGossip.com technical support) will confirm that I quit, and that I removed my own posts.
To StitchinManiac: If you read carefully, which someone involved with any form of education should, my copyright notice on The Needle's Bewitching Eye says, "Unless otherwise noted, all text, stitching, and photographic content is copyrighted 2006 - 2007 by stitchwitched," with the most important words for your sake being "Unless otherwise noted." When I make my original happy dance posts or first show a piece I am stitching, I ALWAYS give complete credit to the designer for the pattern and list any changes I've made as specifically as possible. In fact, I usually provide more information than necessary so that another stitcher will be able to find the same pattern if they are interested in doing so. I list information such as the designer's name, designer's company name, publisher if there is one, copyright/publication date, kit number if there is one, etc. Now, would you like to try showing me exactly where I wrote that nothing bad is ever my fault? If it will help, I'd be thrilled to visit you in Orem, Utah.
Is there any chance we could all play nice from now on? What about act like grownups?
Secondly, CraftGossip.com did not remove all my old posts. I did that before I quit (while I still had access, obviously) because they were copyrighted to and belonged to me, not to CraftGossip.com, and they did not understand or agree on that point. Had I not removed my posts myself, CraftGossip.com would have tried to keep them, and it would have become a legal and logistical nightmare (especially with me being in the US and CraftGossip.com headquartered in Australia), and a very expensive one as well, to convince CraftGossip.com to remove them.
Either Shellie (CraftGossip.com's Head Editor) or Vikram (CraftGossip.com technical support) will confirm that I quit, and that I removed my own posts.
To StitchinManiac: If you read carefully, which someone involved with any form of education should, my copyright notice on The Needle's Bewitching Eye says, "Unless otherwise noted, all text, stitching, and photographic content is copyrighted 2006 - 2007 by stitchwitched," with the most important words for your sake being "Unless otherwise noted." When I make my original happy dance posts or first show a piece I am stitching, I ALWAYS give complete credit to the designer for the pattern and list any changes I've made as specifically as possible. In fact, I usually provide more information than necessary so that another stitcher will be able to find the same pattern if they are interested in doing so. I list information such as the designer's name, designer's company name, publisher if there is one, copyright/publication date, kit number if there is one, etc. Now, would you like to try showing me exactly where I wrote that nothing bad is ever my fault? If it will help, I'd be thrilled to visit you in Orem, Utah.
Is there any chance we could all play nice from now on? What about act like grownups?
Tags:
2 bothered and bewildered:
Personally, I have no idea what your history is with these folks, bc I didn't "meet" you until you were half way into your CraftGossip job, so I really can't comment on these particular folks.
But, this sort of crap isn't unique to stitchers. It happens in any group that gets large enough. Stitchers just seem "unique" bc they communicate online. But women are terrible gossips, and we're nasty to each other. It's utterly counter-productive, and not worth the time. I've started distancing myself from anyone, online or off, that causes more stress in my life. Life's too short for crap, you know?
Hey, Allura!
Yeah, I know what you mean ... Though even when you distance yourself, it still wears you down, and especially when you're already worn down.
One of the biggest reasons I'm glad not to be with CraftGossip anymore is because I HATED the name CraftGOSSIP. ICK. HATED it. NOT me.
Now I can be me.
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